Adventures in Adulting, and a Motherless Mother's Day
Hey, folks! I've been a bit neglectful of this blog for a few weeks here. My sister is getting married next weekend, so we've been preparing for that and boy, golly, have I ever busy at work! I genuinely love my job and my co-workers, which is a novel feeling that I've never felt before. By the time I get home the last thing I've been wanting to do is cook. We're also very excited to be in the early planning stages of getting ready to become foster/adoptive parents, so our focus has been much more on that than in the kitchen lately. Posts will be more frequent once things settle down. Thanks for hanging in there with us!
As the months have turned warmer, Kendra and I have been spending more time on landscaping, getting the garden ready, and planning out a fence for Burrito. We have ten baby trees we need to get in the ground, if it ever stops raining, and we're really looking forward to getting our veggies going. We've turned the soil and laid out a lot of the groundwork and have our indoor seeds started. Our asparagus, which we inherited from the previous owner, has really started out strong and we've been eating that for a few weeks now, which has been delightful. Soon we will have peas. All around our area roadside stands have been popping up selling eggs, honey, asparagus, rhubarb and other such goods. Summer is definitely on its way.
On another note, for the past five years Mother's Day has brought forth a wave of grief and sadness over me. Even though my mom was terminally ill for many years and I'm grateful for the time I did get to spend with her, I miss her every day. While I try not have regrets, I wish she were here to see the person I've become. When she died I was a lost, scared, alcoholic and addict. She never got to see me turn my life around and get sober or meet Kendra or her fur grandchildren or her future human grandchildren. I never thought I would live to see thirty, at my own hand, and she spent so many years just struggling to stay alive. It's selfish of me to wish she were here because she physically and emotionally suffered so much, and I'm grateful she's not in pain anymore.
As time passes, the pain does fade. That's not a myth. But it never completely goes away. I'm incredibly fortunate to have found a partner that has shown me unconditional love, patience, and kindness and has walked with me every step of the way for the past four years. As we continue to build our life together and begin the journey of parenthood ourselves I never want to take that for granted. For anyone missing their mother this weekend, I'm there with you. For anyone who has had to make the incredibly difficult decision to not have a relationship with either or both of the parents because that relationship is toxic, I feel that too. That's also a death of sorts. For anyone who is struggling with fertility or who has lost a child, I'm sending you love. Your self worth is not defined by being a parent. And for all the folks out there who love their mothers, are mothers or furmothers, or just want to celebrate the second Sunday in May, Happy Day to You.
